...
...
Keeping it alive
Busier with work, catching time out with family, outing with colleagues, friends, new friends, new places to go, wanting to go to new places, etc (end of thinking capacity).
Today I'm dropping by here because I don't want to be a hypocrite and abandon my blog whilst demanding others to update theirs. But then again, I've made no commitment to updating regularly (That's me not making promises that I cannot keep) and this blog is half dead anyway.
Gonna connect to company's VPN in a short while and work on some stuff in this lovely Saturday afternoon where enjoyment is sitting in an air conditioned cafe with a friends and talking about and laughing at passersby.
How do you choose...
...between what's easy, and what's right?
Quote from link:
"
7. “Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.”
Dumbledore says this line to the students at Hogwarts, just after the traumatic death of Cedric and the frightful return of Lord Voldemort. Dumbledore knows that only if everyone is willing to make sacrifices and cling to what is good in a world soon to be engulfed in darkness will victory ever be achieved. Likewise, in a world that is inundated with temptation, we as people must strive to live with integrity and stand up for what we know is right even if we are the only one standing.
"
...And do we always have to choose what's right? If we can live with what's wrong.
"No one shall face this conundrum alone."
Quote from link:
"
7. “Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.”
Dumbledore says this line to the students at Hogwarts, just after the traumatic death of Cedric and the frightful return of Lord Voldemort. Dumbledore knows that only if everyone is willing to make sacrifices and cling to what is good in a world soon to be engulfed in darkness will victory ever be achieved. Likewise, in a world that is inundated with temptation, we as people must strive to live with integrity and stand up for what we know is right even if we are the only one standing.
"
...And do we always have to choose what's right? If we can live with what's wrong.
"No one shall face this conundrum alone."
twenty twelve
twenty twelve.
the year, that I will never forget...
sitting in front of a laptop now, in a foreign land. being reminded of times past, through the words of someone, whom I never knew had such impact and significance in me.
day 1, twenty twelve.
we ushered in the new year in the land down under. a new experience. 'twas a happy moment when it seems that nothing can ever go wrong. but how wrong I was.
days something early twenty twelve.
days passed when it seems that no one wants to hire me. pressure builds for me to land a permanent job. life seemed easier and brighter, with your constant support. I float around, indecisive of my future, and ours.
days March twenty twelve.
I caught a break. hope heightens and hope sinks. it was to be worlds apart again after years of distance. life is testing us, but we marched on confident as we thought of the days endured and the days to come. meanwhile, days passes by and hours spent together were precious.
day 30 March twenty twelve.
we parted once again, leaving a part of us with each other once again. I gave you a letter as a reminder and support of challenges to come. you left with a wave, smile, and what I assume to be promises to return.
days April twenty twelve.
we made an effort to skype often. it was hard and involved late nights and terrible connection. still I remained optimistic despite craving for more time together as you became busier and busier. sightseeing... and new experiences. I tried to support you halfway across the world. but only emotionally.
days May twenty twelve.
nothing seem to be going right at this point of time. work hasn't progressed as I would've liked it to, and at the same time, you weren't there to support me this time. because it was a time out...
days 20-something May twenty twelve.
...and out it was.
days after that twenty twelve.
still I tried to support you. at the same time remind you of the times we had and the memories we shared. it wasn't easy for me and probably for you too. and you kept me going with the words you wrote and the tears you shed. but you were in a different boat now, and someone in the sea like me can't pull it to an island.
days further after that twenty twelve.
the downward spiral that it already was continued just when I thought it stopped. it seems that fate/ destiny were testing me again and again. or was it karma? so I went through a series of self psyching and forced optimism. it helped the symptoms but I knew it wasn't the cure. from afar, I wished you well and happiness whilst I wonder if time would heal all pain. work is only a weak distraction.
day 12 December twenty twelve.
you came back... physically. but I felt emptiness in and from you.
doomsday twenty twelve.
if it was really the doomsday...
days second half of December twenty twelve.
there were two of me inside my mind. to give up because it's easy to justify, or to soldier on because a muscle in my body named myocardium said so.
day 31 December twenty twelve.
noodles and gardens... contented with what I have to end the year.
twenty twelve... a year of many sorrows and depressants. a year of hurt and pain. a year of tests and questions. a year of rediscovery and reassurance. a year to remember and learn -
what matters to me and what kind of person I am.
**************************
twenty thirteen
come what may.
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to my concerned readers: this emotional expression of words stemmed from the recollection of memories in the year twenty twelve. no doubt it will still be in part of my system for years to come, but as per my usual emotional post, please do not worry. I am fine. :) thank you!
to my concerned readers: this emotional expression of words stemmed from the recollection of memories in the year twenty twelve. no doubt it will still be in part of my system for years to come, but as per my usual emotional post, please do not worry. I am fine. :) thank you!
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End of the World
What if... the World ends on the 21st December 2012?
Have you heard what you've wanted to hear? I'm listening.
Have you said what you've wanted to say? I will always have words for you.
Have you done what you've wanted to do? I want to create new memories, for myself, and you.
2 more days people!
;)
Have you heard what you've wanted to hear? I'm listening.
Have you said what you've wanted to say? I will always have words for you.
Have you done what you've wanted to do? I want to create new memories, for myself, and you.
2 more days people!
;)
Wordle
"Wordle is a toy for generating “word clouds” from text that you provide. The clouds give greater prominence to words that appear more frequently in the source text. You can tweak your clouds with different fonts, layouts, and color schemes. The images you create with Wordle are yours to use however you like. You can print them out, or save them to the Wordle gallery to share with your friends."
LINK
Here's my blog's word cloud:
And some others:
Go try it out! Seems like a nice wallpaper generator too.
LINK
Here's my blog's word cloud:
And some others:
Go try it out! Seems like a nice wallpaper generator too.
Venting to the hyperspace
On a business trip.
On a flight towards our destination for the day, I closed my eyes in an attempt to catch a quick nap in the short domestic flight.
A woman sat beside me. Malay, modern, in her late 20's or early 30's, dressed in blue, with jeans, fluent and classy English, knows one of the flight attendants, frequent flyer and did not eat her free salted peanuts during the flight.
A man who sat in front of me. Foreigner, big sized, burly guy in his late 30's or 40's, mustache and beard, white shirt, sat on the wrong seat when he first settled down and doesn't speak much English.
A young lady sat a row behind me, opposite the aisle in the middle seat. Johor-ian, skinny, dyed hair and make up, wide collar top, hot pants, rich and seems to love shopping.
With my eye closed, my ears drown in the loud noise of the air rushing through the jet engines. My bum feels the bumpiness of the aircraft hitting the occasional stray air stream. My fingers clutching on the pack of peanuts not too tightly that I can't rest my body and not too loosely that I will drop it in the event that I fall asleep.
What will I do if the plane breaks apart mid-air and I got flung out of it into the sky? I wonder if I will be able to leave a message before I crash on the ground. How to leave it? Call someone? Type it down on the 'Notes' function? Scratch my arm with my finger nails? Will I even be able to turn on my phone in time? The number '3' on my keypad is faulty. Will it be a futile attempt to type it out? Who will I call? Will they pick up immediately? Leave a more subtle message? Like a picture showing on the screen? Or a speed dial number?How to keep my phone safe from the fall? Tuck it at my belt to protect it using my tummy? What message will I leave? I love you, my family? Friends? Special someone? Secret crush? World peace? Who to give my meager inheritance to?
How to survive? Make shift parachute from the shirt in my luggage? Someone else's scarf? Rip out the folding table? How to use them? Parachute? Glide wings? Where to land? Trees? River? Sea? How to land? Legs out-stretched to cushion the fall? Grab something heavy and jump off it right before it crashes? Sea survival jump into the water? Or try to save someone to live to tell the tale by becoming the cushion? How to cushion him/ her? Kick him/ her off upwards just before landing? Stand on my palm as I land on my feet to prolong the impact time?
Or will I just faint from the lack of oxygen and low pressure at such high altitude?
I was sitting alone at the poolside restaurant having my dinner. Having a bottle of warm Corona with lime (not lemon...). Live band singing oldies by the bar, soft, but adequately lit environment, slow, warm, intermittent breeze. Looking out at the lit swimming pool and up at the hotel rooms, down again at the rain drops falling into the pool, and on the spot lights, evaporating the instant it hits the glass.
Appetizer, starters, main course and dessert. What should be cold, wasn't cold and what should be hot, wasn't hot. I meant to leave the waiter a note. But got too impatient while waiting for the food to come and the impatience led to a quick departure after finishing the dessert.
The sounds of a machine shredding through what seems to be a rather thick beard conducted through the ceiling/ floor from a floor above. Thrice, it sounded. That guy must be seriously hairy, or probably runs an illegal barber business in the hotel room. *shifty eyes* 'Psst... Want to get a hair cut?' *opens the jacket to reveal a comb, scissors and hair trimmer*
I try to observe. Trying to read in between the lines, listen in between the speech, see in between the actions. Probably afraid of the unknown, curious about the actions, imagining the possibilities. Many many reasons to be observant.
But in reality, it takes a little bit of blindness to fall in love.
fdsdgpbc
Shoe shopping
It's time for another round of shoe shopping! This time I need to buy a pair of casual shoes that's presentable enough to wear to work.
I don't buy shoes very often. Hence, I remember the process of buying each pair of shoes that I have or had, who I was with, where was it, and why I bought that pair of shoes. And those who were fortunate/ unfortunate enough to be part of that process would understand what I'm talking about. ;p
So... how would this future pair of shoes be a part of my memory?
I don't buy shoes very often. Hence, I remember the process of buying each pair of shoes that I have or had, who I was with, where was it, and why I bought that pair of shoes. And those who were fortunate/ unfortunate enough to be part of that process would understand what I'm talking about. ;p
So... how would this future pair of shoes be a part of my memory?
The Balancing Act
A flurry of events happened in the past few months and it's evident that I was going up and down and all around the whole time.
Now I'm wondering... Have I finally struck a balance? If yes, can this be sustained for long? I'm trying to imprint this feeling of balance in my mind now, so that when anything happens in the future, I'll remember how to handle it!
Staying positive and strong yo! XD
Random picture: My (not so) new L.Luthier GA25 guitar...
Now I'm wondering... Have I finally struck a balance? If yes, can this be sustained for long? I'm trying to imprint this feeling of balance in my mind now, so that when anything happens in the future, I'll remember how to handle it!
Staying positive and strong yo! XD
Random picture: My (not so) new L.Luthier GA25 guitar...
Silly Optimism, Believe & Trust
Is it more important to remember the good times/ experiences and work towards having more of them, or remember the bad times/ experiences as a stern reminder of what not to do and learn from it?
I am surprised by my persistence on remembering the good times. Again and again the good memories overcome the bad and I leave myself vulnerable to hurt. Why is that so? Maybe it's because I kept telling myself, things couldn't be any worse than this again and again. Call it silly optimism you may, but that is how I am.
I have been programmed to always look on the bright side of things, good side of people. Some people call it as having a big heart, some people say it's foolish. I have been advised from both perspective and I truly appreciate all of them. No one is right or wrong here to think either way. We are all different individuals and we all have different experiences.
Upon self reflection, I realised that I trust and believe easily. Once I've got to know someone, I have this gut feeling whether or not this person can be trusted or not. I'm not claiming that my gut feeling is right all the time. Experiences have shown me that I was wrong before, and luckily, it's not very often. An example is perhaps, some people who have the special ability to mask their true self against people they call friend... Secretly working against you behind your back for their own benefits, influencing the people around you to distance themselves from you under the disguise of given sound advice.
I've met a few of these people, and in one of the case, I fell victim to one of the schemes. But that was quite some time ago, and even though it may have changed what might have happened, I'm lucky that no long term damage was done.
The issue here is, who can you trust, and how to know that they can be trusted then? Well, if I knew the answer, I would be making millions of dollars selling guidebooks already. Should we be always sceptical, suspicious then? That wouldn't help 'cause it'll just ruin your relationship with that person if there's no trust between you both.
I suppose, in the end, it is how much risk you are willing to take to trust a person completely, whether or not you think he/she is worth it, how much you believe in the good of that person...
...and with all of that, leaving yourself vulnerable to the things that he/she does, to the words that steers you away from the one you love, just because they want you for him/herself.
P.S. Dear friends, you know who you are. Don't worry, I am not talking about you guys in the last part. It was referring to old (and some not so old) experiences. I really appreciate all the support you guys gave me. Thank you! :)
I am surprised by my persistence on remembering the good times. Again and again the good memories overcome the bad and I leave myself vulnerable to hurt. Why is that so? Maybe it's because I kept telling myself, things couldn't be any worse than this again and again. Call it silly optimism you may, but that is how I am.
I have been programmed to always look on the bright side of things, good side of people. Some people call it as having a big heart, some people say it's foolish. I have been advised from both perspective and I truly appreciate all of them. No one is right or wrong here to think either way. We are all different individuals and we all have different experiences.
Upon self reflection, I realised that I trust and believe easily. Once I've got to know someone, I have this gut feeling whether or not this person can be trusted or not. I'm not claiming that my gut feeling is right all the time. Experiences have shown me that I was wrong before, and luckily, it's not very often. An example is perhaps, some people who have the special ability to mask their true self against people they call friend... Secretly working against you behind your back for their own benefits, influencing the people around you to distance themselves from you under the disguise of given sound advice.
I've met a few of these people, and in one of the case, I fell victim to one of the schemes. But that was quite some time ago, and even though it may have changed what might have happened, I'm lucky that no long term damage was done.
The issue here is, who can you trust, and how to know that they can be trusted then? Well, if I knew the answer, I would be making millions of dollars selling guidebooks already. Should we be always sceptical, suspicious then? That wouldn't help 'cause it'll just ruin your relationship with that person if there's no trust between you both.
I suppose, in the end, it is how much risk you are willing to take to trust a person completely, whether or not you think he/she is worth it, how much you believe in the good of that person...
...and with all of that, leaving yourself vulnerable to the things that he/she does, to the words that steers you away from the one you love, just because they want you for him/herself.
P.S. Dear friends, you know who you are. Don't worry, I am not talking about you guys in the last part. It was referring to old (and some not so old) experiences. I really appreciate all the support you guys gave me. Thank you! :)
Interval
I've realised that most (if not all) of my recent posts have largely been emotionally driven.
Probably it's because that I'm still searching for my own emotional independence meanwhile still finding a comfortable way to let it out (after having a confidante for so long).
And also probably because there's so much more there is to be done and said and so many plans I had that didn't get the chance to be realized.
Whatever it is, there are a few more blog posts coming, which in a way, is my way to let you know what I had in my mind and let it all out.
Hopefully when I'm done with them, the wait will be over and I'll be refreshed and new.
Probably it's because that I'm still searching for my own emotional independence meanwhile still finding a comfortable way to let it out (after having a confidante for so long).
And also probably because there's so much more there is to be done and said and so many plans I had that didn't get the chance to be realized.
Whatever it is, there are a few more blog posts coming, which in a way, is my way to let you know what I had in my mind and let it all out.
Hopefully when I'm done with them, the wait will be over and I'll be refreshed and new.
Time travelling with your mind
I was driving the other day and suddenly I thought:
What if, you live the present, with the mindset of your future self?
Is it possible? Will this mean that you will be able to live a life without regrets? Will your life be dull and without excitement? Or will you actually be happier, that at the end of the day, you know that all you did in the past prepared yourself for your future self?
I think a very important question to ask is do you know what you want in the future? We may never know what lies in store in the future for us, but if you know what you want, you will at least have an idea on what you are working towards to, and increase the likelihood that you'll get to where you want to go in the future.
Of course, there can be many ways to interpret the question. Another way to put it is: if you are in a difficult situation right now, in the present... You might think: "in the future, I will look back at this point of my life and wonder... what the hell was I thinking?" or "if only I could've been more outgoing, more adventurous".
I suppose there are many situations that this can or cannot be applied. Situations where you are in a dilemma either way you choose. Confused, lost, puzzled, bewildered and perhaps, curious. These are some of the emotions that drive our decisions everyday.
What I'm suggesting here is to utilise the human being's special ability of self conciousness, and put yourself in a 3rd person perspective when evaluating decisions for your daily conundrum.
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P.S. My style of writing has been influenced by the Spanish translations that I've been doing on Duolingo! o_O
What if, you live the present, with the mindset of your future self?
Is it possible? Will this mean that you will be able to live a life without regrets? Will your life be dull and without excitement? Or will you actually be happier, that at the end of the day, you know that all you did in the past prepared yourself for your future self?
I think a very important question to ask is do you know what you want in the future? We may never know what lies in store in the future for us, but if you know what you want, you will at least have an idea on what you are working towards to, and increase the likelihood that you'll get to where you want to go in the future.
Of course, there can be many ways to interpret the question. Another way to put it is: if you are in a difficult situation right now, in the present... You might think: "in the future, I will look back at this point of my life and wonder... what the hell was I thinking?" or "if only I could've been more outgoing, more adventurous".
I suppose there are many situations that this can or cannot be applied. Situations where you are in a dilemma either way you choose. Confused, lost, puzzled, bewildered and perhaps, curious. These are some of the emotions that drive our decisions everyday.
What I'm suggesting here is to utilise the human being's special ability of self conciousness, and put yourself in a 3rd person perspective when evaluating decisions for your daily conundrum.
**************************
P.S. My style of writing has been influenced by the Spanish translations that I've been doing on Duolingo! o_O
Milestone
Honestly, I feel like my life has sunk to a new low.
I keep telling myself that things can't be any worse every time, and time after time I find that I lied to myself. The values and principles I hold on to reels around and bite me in the wound that's barely healing. I am hurt and badly wounded and I'm not afraid to say it.
But. I will stay strong, I will not give up on myself, I will not give up on you and I will not give up on everyone.
Because I know, my values will prevail and the sun will rise after a long twilight.
Let this be a milestone of my life. One that I will remember for the rest of my life, of how we overcome the adversities and soar out of the valley, together.
I will not give up.
EDIT: Actually... Maybe it's time for me to stop throwing myself out into the flames.
EDIT: Actually... Maybe it's time for me to stop throwing myself out into the flames.
Where to eat?
Hm... thinking of where to eat this weekend.
There was a list of places to eat that I'm supposed to try but never got the chance to.
And then I thought... How can I forget chilli pan mee? Haha.
And I just realised... the tan lines are gone...
There was a list of places to eat that I'm supposed to try but never got the chance to.
And then I thought... How can I forget chilli pan mee? Haha.
And I just realised... the tan lines are gone...
abcdefghijklmnopqrstvwxyz
mufy english test. my "ex". sunway pyramid. ice-skating. "showing off" during ice skating. LEGO 'class'. nisha. sunway college carpark. doing 'research' online. sunway college foyer. "I can't even rmbr whether i actually said yes/yup/ok". san francisco coffee. sunway college student services centre. meeting room. store. stealing sand. desert. forest. Ying Xiao's car. police/guards. juice works. pyramid waffle world. pyramid sony ericsson shop. kewajipan roundabout. SJMC. Sri KL jam around 3pm. between persiaran wangsa baiduri 8 and 9. white myvi(s). black myvi SE(s). Hugo. Hugo peeing at the gate. Hugo by the couch. Hugo coming upstairs. watching tv. piggy napping. treadmill. Gong cha. Subang Jaya post office. Moo cow. couples PDA-ing. couples in cars in front/ behind me. sunway mentari steamboat. SS2 thai food. chicken feet salad. sunway mas murni. 'i love you'. kayu nasi kandar. sven haircut. subang jaya haircut. phone alarm ringtone. phone alarm picture. number 3 speedial. my baby pillow/ bolster. my personal drawer. one set of undies. shirts. hoodie. lake behind holiday villa. flipping my tongue left. skype. amethysts. nikon d7000. 26th July & 26th July. chinese new year. LDP. level 5. comp lab. Up!. mcdonalds. lord of the fries. spicy chicken mcdeluxe. prosperity burger. carls jr. mcnuggets. movies. certain songs. certain newspaper articles. tights. caramel cheesecake. sandwich with a flag. oreo cheesecake. kura. sake & oyster. tummy ache. traffic jam. toilet paper. snapshot! vouchers. cards. origami flower. hard disk. parcel. melaka. daisies. walking to/ from southern cross station. brisbane. annie's. 7eleven. sunset safari. vomit. vomit. vomit. crackers & water. bird poo. scuba diving. white watches. curve flea market. earrings. italy glass pendant. mcd ice cream at KLCC. jalan batai. klang bak kut teh. pictures in my phone. spilled chocolate and the curve. world atlas in MPH. seventeen. cleo. fail porridge. 'our' chicken curry. worst christmas ever. not enough space. CK jeans jacket. teetwo. the pokeball dress. the 'how was it ah?'(s). fd(s). sdg(s). the spare tires. playing with fats. laughing about palm-forehead. 'best friends'. europe. prague. shoe hunting. hand squeeze. good mornings. good nights! phone call(s) at ikea. laundry at the curve. stainless steel, RM29 each, free etching. so much more and everything else.
gah! the confusion!
never had I met a conundrum filled with such complications, illogical situations and mystery.
@_@
@_@
so I wrote a post around and about a photo
actually, there were tonnes of little things and other reminders as well...
so used to telling one person about it because it was something that only we both understood.
will try to keep them in mind 'till the time comes. but I think by then, we'll be different persons already and I may disagree with the things you did and the stories that were kept wouldn't really matter any more.
do I want the history and truth of what had happened whilst we were strangers? I don't know now. it'll be interesting to find out. who knows where this road leads us?
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doesn't matter. least I can hope for is that the journey is short and meaningful.
p.s. this is by no means an emo post. I'm emotionally stable...and hopefully likewise. =)
so used to telling one person about it because it was something that only we both understood.
will try to keep them in mind 'till the time comes. but I think by then, we'll be different persons already and I may disagree with the things you did and the stories that were kept wouldn't really matter any more.
do I want the history and truth of what had happened whilst we were strangers? I don't know now. it'll be interesting to find out. who knows where this road leads us?
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doesn't matter. least I can hope for is that the journey is short and meaningful.
p.s. this is by no means an emo post. I'm emotionally stable...and hopefully likewise. =)
reminder & stuff
My phone had a reminder this morning. 2nd September 2012 - "Dear cmg back"
It's been quite a while ago and so much has happened since, that I had totally forgotten about this reminder.
Though I was kinda hoping that things went as per planned. =p
It's been quite a while ago and so much has happened since, that I had totally forgotten about this reminder.
Though I was kinda hoping that things went as per planned. =p
Oh sdg...
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So I responded to some Monash person who is looking for recent graduates to submit their profile to be included in the new brochure... After a few email transactions and a photo release form, here's the result!
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Felt kinda flattered to have my face there for all the prospective students to see. Haha.
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Felt kinda flattered to have my face there for all the prospective students to see. Haha.
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