Much has changed since my last blog post. Those that were kept in the loop should know what I'm talking about here. Well, whatever it is, this post is not going to be a tell-all post about the whole story. I rather it to be a series of notes that acts as a reminder to myself of the lessons learnt and also a reassurance of my decisions made.
Also, note that it is really rare that I will post things about my emotional well being and status. I hope that all the few readers of this post will just take it as a token of trust from me to you, and not see/ treat me any differently as how it used to be. There shall be no further questions unless I specifically say that I want to talk about it. (I am shy la. XD)
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Here goes:
1. I've never regretted any single part of the relationship at all. Despite everything that has happened, I would say that it has been one of the best things that has happened to me in my life and I wouldn't trade the experience for anything at all.
2. Throughout the relationship, I've learnt so much, both from myself and with her. Ignore how cliche it sounds, but it is true that you learn how to love and be loved in a relationship. One cannot simply learn it by observing or studying about love and relationship. You have to live it to understand it. Also, don't let the social norm or the media tell you how to love or how you should be in a relationship. Really. You know those stuff are fictitious right?
Oh, and even though I haven't been in another relationship, but I believe that not everything you've learnt in a relationship is transferable to another. You've got to start over fresh with the other person. That's respect.
3. Speaking of respect, it is one of the most important part of a relationship. One shall always respect the decisions of the other in a relationship. I find that I tend to be controlling and manipulative when it comes to times when she's making decisions for herself. I shouldn't be doing that.
4. Understanding is key. This stems from the respect that you have for your partner. Before lashing out at whatever they say or their decisions, try to understand where they are coming from. We are not kids any more and we all are matured enough to make decisions. And by understanding, I don't mean by just asking 'why are you doing that?' and then turn around and give advice on how they should do this and that. It's taking a step back, understanding their concerns, background and problems before judging and giving advice.
5. I love to give advice. It boosts my ego, makes me feel smart, important and needed. However, I realised that this will only prohibit growth in your partner. Especially when it is combined with the manipulative side of me. I shall restrain from giving advice until I am asked to.
6. Independence before interdependence ( from 7 habits of highly effective people by Stephen Covey). I realised that it is very important to be emotionally independent before getting into/ while in a relationship. For 5 years, my happiness revolves largely around her that whenever she's happy, I'm happy, whenever she's not around, I will be waiting anxiously and hoping for her reply on facebook/ sms/ skype. Whilst it may sound romantic, I believe now, that being in a relationship or not, I need to have my own happiness and emotionally independent. And this happiness, should be shared in the relationship with that special someone that makes you even happier.
An analogy would be drug addiction. I have been addicted to having her as my only confidante. And now that she's not able to be there to confide in, it just doesn't feel right. It's like a withdrawal symptom. Having my own emotional independence would definitely help.
7. Despite all the heart breaking pain and heartache, I'm not afraid to fall for someone. There pose a risk of unrequited love, unfaithful partners, lack of commitment or any problems at all. However, all these, are worth the risk, because I now know that a relationship can be so fulfilling, exciting, wonderful and simply perfect in its own way, thanks to my now ex-girlfriend Lee Ann June. I will never forget the good times. =)
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So, to all you readers out there... those who are in a relationship, cherish every good and bad moments. Memories comfort and teach you. Those who aren't sure whether they are in a relationship or not (e.g. mixed feelings, confusing signs, etc.), listen to your heart. There's no right or wrong as long as you know you will be happy. Finally, to those who aren't in a relationship/ waiting for the right one/ secretly in love with someone, be brave and let it out. It IS worth the risk... After all, I quote a famous saying that goes:
"When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did."
So, get out there and do things. =)
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