twenty twelve

twenty twelve.

the year, that I will never forget...

sitting in front of a laptop now, in a foreign land. being reminded of times past, through the words of someone, whom I never knew had such impact and significance in me.

day 1, twenty twelve.

we ushered in the new year in the land down under. a new experience. 'twas a happy moment when it seems that nothing can ever go wrong. but how wrong I was.

days something early twenty twelve.

days passed when it seems that no one wants to hire me. pressure builds for me to land a permanent job. life seemed easier and brighter, with your constant support. I float around, indecisive of my future, and ours.

days March twenty twelve.

I caught a break. hope heightens and hope sinks. it was to be worlds apart again after years of distance. life is testing us, but we marched on confident as we thought of the days endured and the days to come. meanwhile, days passes by and hours spent together were precious.

day 30 March twenty twelve.

we parted once again, leaving a part of us with each other once again. I gave you a letter as a reminder and support of challenges to come. you left with a wave, smile, and what I assume to be promises to return.

days April twenty twelve.

we made an effort to skype often. it was hard and involved late nights and terrible connection. still I remained optimistic despite craving for more time together as you became busier and busier. sightseeing... and new experiences. I tried to support you halfway across the world. but only emotionally.

days May twenty twelve.

nothing seem to be going right at this point of time. work hasn't progressed as I would've liked it to, and at the same time, you weren't there to support me this time. because it was a time out...

days 20-something May twenty twelve.

...and out it was.

days after that twenty twelve.

still I tried to support you. at the same time remind you of the times we had and the memories we shared. it wasn't easy for me and probably for you too. and you kept me going with the words you wrote and the tears you shed. but you were in a different boat now, and someone in the sea like me can't pull it to an island.

days further after that twenty twelve.

the downward spiral that it already was continued just when I thought it stopped. it seems that fate/ destiny were testing me again and again. or was it karma? so I went through a series of self psyching and forced optimism. it helped the symptoms but I knew it wasn't the cure. from afar, I wished you well and happiness whilst I wonder if time would heal all pain. work is only a weak distraction.

day 12 December twenty twelve.

you came back... physically. but I felt emptiness in and from you.

doomsday twenty twelve.

if it was really the doomsday... 

days second half of December twenty twelve.

there were two of me inside my mind. to give up because it's easy to justify, or to soldier on because a muscle in my body named myocardium said so.

day 31 December twenty twelve.

noodles and gardens... contented with what I have to end the year.

twenty twelve... a year of many sorrows and depressants. a year of hurt and pain. a year of tests and questions. a year of rediscovery and reassurance. a year to remember and learn - 

what matters to me and what kind of person I am.

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twenty thirteen

come what may.

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to my concerned readers: this emotional expression of words stemmed from the recollection of memories in the year twenty twelve. no doubt it will still be in part of my system for years to come, but as per my usual emotional post, please do not worry. I am fine. :) thank you!